How To Get Over Someone Cheating On You

Whether you decide to stay in your relationship or end your marriage and find a new love, a person who has been cheated on has to learn how to handle cheating.

You’re devastated right now, but know that it’s not always going to be so.

This kind of betrayal cuts to your core, but these wounds do heal if you let them. So here’s how to react to cheating and the effects of cheating in your life, to live a content life and get to a point where you can love and trust again.

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How To Get Over Someone Cheating On You

how to Handle cheating 

Shock and Disbelief

The first thing you feel is a complete shock. Your days seem dreamlike or nightmarish, and despite the anguish at what you’ve learned, the main impression you have is that you can’t believe this has happened. This is a surreal time where you are simply too shocked to comprehend the cheating.

Rage – Dealing with Cheating

The next step is absolute rage, where the truth begins to sink in that your loved one has betrayed you and abused your trust. Things are no longer surreal, and you’re beginning to comprehend the full reality of the situation. It’s a natural reaction to be outraged at your cheating spouse, their fellow cheat, and the world in general.

Rage – Dealing with Cheating

You might not want to go to work or even get out of bed in the morning. You may not want to go to work or see other people. You might have trouble controlling your anger at work, at home, or on the road to and from each. You might scream and cry, break things and throw things, and even get into physical altercations stemming from these episodes. Illegal and patently unhealthy situations might arise.

Getting Revenge – Dealing with Cheaters

Next, you’ll enter the phase where you want revenge. You’ll probably want revenge against your spouse, the person they cheated with, or both. You want to get back at the people who have wronged you.

In this phase, you may find your mind wondering about ways to get your revenge, from physical to financial to emotional ways. You might want to hurt someone. You might want to chat with one of his or her friends. You might want to max out your partner’s credit cards or slash someone’s tires.

This is the dangerous phase because, in the heat of your passion, you can make decisions that hurt people and get you in a lot of trouble. The trouble stemming from actions done in a rage often brings you more trouble (legal trouble) than it does anyone else. Try to calm yourself in this emotional stage, so you can take the necessary steps to live the rest of your life.

Letting Go – Handling Cheating

After a desire for revenge comes the period where you start to let go. After a slow burn for days and days, you have no more energy to be angry and vengeful-minded. Instead, you just want this nightmare to end.

Letting Go – Handling Cheating

This is where you start to contemplate the future, instead of dwelling on the past. If you have any doubts about whether to end the relationship or to continue and try to reconcile, this is where you start to give serious consideration to your options.

Picking up the Pieces – Reconciliation

If you choose reconciliation, then your partner has to do several things. They have to be honest and lay every card on the table. They have to break off all contact with the other person–no questions asked. Your cheating spouse also has to understand this is going to be a long process and they cannot put up obstacles to reconciliation.

That means, if your spouse refuses to tell you the full truth about their cheating or if they refuse to stop any form of communication with this other person, the process of reconciliation cannot continue. The cheating spouse has to understand there is no time frame for when you “get over it”–this is going to be a long time and they have to deal with the consequences of their actions if they want the relationship to continue.

If any of these considerations are not met, you have to stop trying to make it work and end the relationship. Otherwise, your reconciliation will never work.

Picking up the Pieces – Moving On

If you do not choose reconciliation, this is where you start to consider separation and divorce. Don’t start worrying about your next relationship. Get this one over right now. You’ll need to find ways to occupy your time and make up for the loss of companionship. A new relationship is not the answer, so concentrate on yourself, and get some toys for that.

Picking up the Pieces – Moving On

Understand this is going to be a lonely time. That lonely time won’t be forever, but it’s essential for now.

Learning to Trust Again

For those seeking reconciliation, the long process of re-establishing trust begins. Your partner has to understand they have to be completely honest and you have to see that what they say and the facts are the same long enough that you begin to trust them. This is a long and drawn-out process, in the best of circumstances. You either trust someone or you don’t, and trust in these circumstances has to be re-earned.

You may find you’re dealing with a serial cheater. If that’s the case, end it. This person either can’t or won’t control themselves, and there’s some part of them that requires them to hurt the people around them by cheating. Get away from this person immediately, because they are broken. Staying only breaks you, too.

If you move on and start a new relationship, the process begins anew. Understand that your new girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t the last person. You might be warier than you were before, but don’t let jealousy and suspicion ruin the new relationship. Let reason be the judge of their trustworthiness. Like in the other situation, let the facts match their words long enough before you trust them.

Let the new person earn your trust, though. This may be longer and you may be circumspect, but not everyone is a cheater. Try to find traits that are different than your cheating partner’s traits and see if you can build a relationship with this new person. Trust is key, and jealousy will get you nowhere.

Triggers – Cheating Reminders

There are also going to be people, places, and other events that might trigger bad memories of the affair and the time of cheating. Below is a list of things that might trigger bad memories, though it’s by no means a complete list.

Triggers – Cheating Reminders

• Restaurant they visited
• Hotel they visited
• Part of town the affair took place in
• Songs that were popular when they cheated
• Old Photos from that time
• Seeing a mutual friend of the other person
• Just about anything else
• Set Realistic Goals

Whatever the case, be realistic about the future. If you don’t believe you can ever trust a cheating spouse again, then be honest and get out. It’s perfectly reasonable to say it’s just not going to work. If you don’t think you can live with cheating, then don’t try. You know yourself best.

On the other hand, don’t be unrealistic about what it’s going to take to make you trust again. Don’t let one person betraying your trust ruin your belief in the human race (or the other sex). Don’t become controlling, jealous, and abusive in an attempt to over-compensate for the betrayals of the past. Down that road lies unhappiness.

Find Healthy New Self

Eventually, you’ll be ready for a new, better relationship. Don’t assume you’ll ever be quite the same, because you won’t. You’ll emerge from this pain and sorrow as a new person, a little wiser perhaps, but certainly a little less trusting and a little more circumspect about people making you promises.

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Find Healthy New Self

That isn’t a bad thing, as long as it’s not taken too far.

People learn how to handle cheating all the time, to live happily, fulfilled lives. This does not ruin you. This does not cause you irreparable damage. At least it doesn’t if you don’t let cheating ruin your outlook on life.