100+ Jokes Messages ( Hindi ) , SMS, chats For WhatsApp And Instagram

 

Jokes Messages

Ladaka (Romantic andaaj mein): jaan dekho,
main tumhaaree julphon ke lie kya laaya hoon......?
ladaki : so sweet...!!
kya lae??
ladaka : joon nikaalane vaali kanghi!!
     
Aajkal Hit Hindi movies ka sabase mushkil kaam
.
Bina Bed Scene diya movies banana
     
Reliance ke Jio launch karane ke baad doosari kampaniyo ko 13000 Krore se jyaada ka nukasaan hua,
ye to hona hi kameeno hamaare jaise gareeb logo ka shraap laga he shraap
     
ladakiyaan bhi Had karti hai Ghar ka kaam kare
2G ki speed se aur
chaat, pakodee aur golgappe khaati hai
4G ki speed se
     
Duniya vaale poochhate hain : adhoore sapane poore karane ke lie
kya karana chaahie ?
hamaara javaab hai:
Dobaara so jaana chaahie
  
   
5-5 saal ke bachche gaate phir rahe hain…
chhoti dress mein bomb lagadi mainu
jab ham 5 saal ke the,
to 1 hi word yaad tha, vahi gaate phirate the
Spidermann, Superman
     
vafa dhoondhane nikala tha
Gaalib WiFi, mil gaya, to udhar hi baith gaya
     
Mera DIL gavaah hai, alarm band karane ke baad jitani achchhi neend aati hai utani achchhi neend to raat mein bhi nahi aati
     
Jb tm angdayi leti ho to mera dm nikal jata hai,
jb tum angdayi leti ho to mera dm nikal jata hai,
wah wah arey thoda deodrant lagane main tera kya jata hai.
wah wah wah
    

chaahe kitani bhi angrejee seekh lo parantu agar
kutta peechhe pad jaaye to hatt-hatt hee kahana padega 
    
31 December ka nasha agar utar gaya ho to
two-minute ka maun un Bakaron aur Murgon ke lie bhi rakh len,
jo bechaare aapaki khaatir 2019 ka sooraj nahin dekh pae
     
Girl: Hum Kaha Ja Rahe He..?
Boy: Long Drive Par..!!
Girl: Pahle Kyun Nhi Bataya..?
Boy: Mujhe B Abhi Pata Chala Jub Break Nai Lag rahe
     
1 night a boy helped a unknown aunty to reach her home.
Aunty: beta, raat bahut ho gayi hai yahi so jao , bittu ke room me.
Boy: nahi aunty, mai yahi hall me so jaunga, Next morning a beautiful girl come with a cup of coffee.
Boy : aap kaun?
Girl : mai bittu aur aap?
Boy: Mai gadha, kutta, ullu ka pattha
     
Sardar:- Bhai Saheb 2 Ticket Dena,
Cndctor:- 2 Q ?
Sardar:- 1 Kho Jaye To Dusri Kaam Ayegi,
Conductor:- Dono Kho Gayi To ?
Sardar:- Fir Sala Pass Kis Din Kam Aayega
     
Happu singh poori zindagi so     e rahe..
so     e rahe so     e so     e mar gae,
ki agar meri bahin ke 3 bhai hain,
to mere 2 hi kyon hai? !!
     
Aaj ka Gyaan
Jitanee marjee english seekh lo…
Sapana to Hindi mein hi aayega
     
Sach to yah hai ki chaand par kadam rakhane vaale insaan Baahubali the, bas naam ko English mein Translate karake Arm-Strong rakh liya tha
     
santa london me double store bus me
baitha tha,conductor ne usey uper bhej diya,
santa pehle uper gya fir bhaagta hua
niche aaya aur bola, marwayege kya saale uper to driver hi nahi hai,
     
Pappu: Maa, mainne sapana dekha ki mera ek paanv zameen par aur doosara aasaman mein hai!
jeeto: beta, aise sapane mat dekha kar; ek hee chaddhi hai, phat jaegi!
     
Dost: tera history paper kaisa hua?
Pappu: bahut bura, saalon ne mere janm se bhi pahale ke prashan poochh rakhe the
     
     
motapa hi ek esi chij hai jise apne se jada
dusre ke paas dekhkar khushi hoti hai
    
 
Ghar me jaab khud ki shadi ki charcha hoti hai to lagta hai
jese election ka ticket mil gaya ho Shadi ke wo 2-4 din lagta
hai jese hum chief minister ho gaye ho Aur shadi ke 1 saal 
baad lagta hai jese koi ghotala me fas gaye ho
     
Kasam se Yaaro 1 sath sare Kaand yaad aa jate hai jab
Papa kahte hai Yaha betho tum se kuch jaruri baat karni hai
     
Girlfriend ne poocha chahoge kab taak?
Mene V muskura ke kah diya, Meri biwi ko pata na chale tab tak
     
Teacher: Batao Kangresh ki sthapana kisne ki?
Pappu: patta nahi sir kisne ki, par bisharjan to rahul Gandhi hi karenge
     
Aaj ka Gyaan: smartphone sarir hai aur internet usski aatma.
sarir chahe nasht bhi ho jaye, aatma naya sarir dharan kar leti hai
     
Aap chahe kitne hi kabil ban jaao lekin sabji wale se dhaniya aur mirchi muft nahi laa sake to ghar walon ki nazar me aapse jyada nakabil insan koi nahi hai\
     
Madam-Pappu tumhara es baar Exam result bahut kharaab aaya hai,
kal Papa ko saath lekar aana varnaa
Pappu - varanaa kyaa?
Madam- varna result Facebok par upload kar ke usmen paapa ko Tag kar doongee Pappu achchhaa to main bhi Mummy ko bata doongaa ki meri Madam papa ke friend list men hai
     
Mobile Smartphone aane se ek achchha kaam to hua.
jab insaan Free hota hai to Mobile chala leta hai.
pahale to naak mein oongali daal-daal kar, naak ki aisi-taisi kar deta hai
     
rishtedaaron ki sabase badi galatphahami kaaphi dinon se inake ghar nahin gaye hain aaj chalate hain, "varana vo bura maan jaayenge".          
   
Shradh ke din 1 kowa ka
Facebook, Whatsapp status messages-
Abhi to party shuru hue hai...
     
Patni pati se pura pura din cricket ghuse rahte ho, me Ghar chhod ke ja rahi huPati (commentary ke andaz me): pehli baar kadmo ka behtarin estmaal...sasural se mayke jaati biwi
     
Teacher Bache-mai kal nahi aauga,
Student -kyu sir? Teacher-meri shadi hai
Bache-sir esa mat kigiye
Teacher -kyo?
Bache-sir app ne hi sikhaya hai Phoolwali-phool bechti hai
Sabjiwali - sabji bechti ha to Gharwali-ghar nahi bechagi
     
sadme se mar gaya usi wakt 1 marij jaab doctor ne kaha ki....
Daal ka pani piya karo
     
Bharat me bhukamp se sabse jada Prabhavit Hone Wale chetra
Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp!
     
     
Shart lagi thi duniya ki khushi 3 words me likhne ki wo kitab dudne lage mene " biwi mayke gayi" likh diya
     
jab baarat road pe naach rahi hoti to kuch Chacha, Moasa, Mama log hath hila hila kar traffic ka sanchalan ese karte hai mano pichle janam me wo pandu hawaldaar the
     
Aaj Ka Vichar Jitna Gaur Se log takkrane ke baad 1-2 sre ko dekhte hai
utni Gaur Se agar phle dekh le to takkar lage hi nahi
     
Boy-tumhare papa Aatankwadi hai?
Girl-no why?
Boy-Coz you are Bomb
     .      
ek aisi ladki thi jise main Pyaar karta tha
vaala gaana bajaane par Dulhe ne Band Master ko dhoya
     
Kid 2 Mom: 20 Rs Dena,
Bahar 1 Garib Ko Dene Hen.
Mom: Kaha Hai Garib?
Kid:Bechra Bahar Dhup Me,
Icecream Bech Raha Hai mummy
     
Mobile ke night plans ne to hume,
Bhuka maar diya hai dosto,
Jis ghar mein chori k liye jao,
Koi na koi aashiq jag raha hota hai
     
Husband : Yaar, Main Koi Bhi Kaam Karta Hu,
To Meri Biwi bich me Aa Jati Hai
Friend : Yaar, Tu Truck Chalaa Kar Dekh,Shaayad Qismat Saath De De...!
Try Your Best Luck
     
Duniya me 2 kaam bahut ache hue
Ek to whatsapp aane se pehle study complete hogyi
aur dusra MAGGI band hone se pehle bachpan nikal gaya
     
Ek to whatsapp aane se pehle study complete hogyi
     
aur dusra MAGGI band hone se pehle bachpan nikal gaya
     
1 ladki roj subah 10 baje per ke daal me beth jati the aur
sHaam ko 6 baje utaar jati thi,
kyu
MBA karke paagal ho gaye the Khud ko Branch Manager samghte the
     
Natkhatlal: Tum apne saloon me
Rahasmai aur romachk books kyu rakhte ho?
Naai: inhe padhker logo ke
Baal khare ho jate hai aur
Mujhe baal katne me aasani hoti h
     
Common man: Susu jana hai...
1 Famous Shayar- Mchalti hai pet me kuch lahare si
lagta hai enhe kisi kinare ka entzaar hai
     
     
     
     
"Toilet ek Prem katha" ko Dekhkar aaya Yuvak,
bivi milne ke ummeed mein bana raha hai Toilet
     
"Child participant rejected after his parents
fail to cry during a singing reality show.
     
Boy (trying to impress her): Ghar Mein Sabke Kapde Mein hi Press Karta Hun
     
Jailor To Tailor: 1000 Pants Aur 999 Shirts Silvake Bhej Dena.
Tailor: Jailorsahab Ye Ek Shirt Kam Kyu..?
Jailor- Salmaann Khann Aa Raha Hain Na!
     
GF 2 BF bahot attitude hai tum me
BF - Attitude to bachpan se Hai
Jab me peda huwa tha
to ded saal mene kisi se baat nahi ki the
     
Jinte Jildi ladko ko love ho jata hai
utni jaldi ladki ye bhi decide nahi kaar pati hai
Dark lipstick lagani hai ya light
     
BF 2 GF- girls Love Marriage Q Karti Hai?
Gf: Anjaan Namoona Milne Se To Achaa Hai,
Jaana Pehchana Kamina Mil Jaye
     
1-2 Vicks vi De Dena Gala Kharab H
Medicine ka naam bhi nahi nikal raha thik se
     
Shaadi byaah mein pikar zor zor se Naagin Dance karane vaalon par lage pashu vikaas tax
     
Rahul Gandhi Kehte Hai, Congress Koi Party Nahi, Ek Soch Hai
Aur Vidya Balan Kehti Hai, Jahan Soch Hai, Wahan Shouchalay Hai
Bahut Confusion Hai Bhai Sahab
     
      
Santa: are Maa, ek achchi khabar hai . Hum 2 se 3 Ho Gaye Hai!
santa ki Maa: achha jaldi bata , beta Hua hai ya beti?
Santa: are nahi Maa, tumhaari bahu ne Doosri Shaadi karli!
     
Santa ne ek maachis ki tili jalai woh nahin jali,
doosri jalai who bhi nahin jali, teesri jalai to wo jal gayi,
santa ne use jaldi se bujha diya aur aur bola,
mere kaam ki hai,ise rakh leta hoon
     
Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi
     
Harbhajan ne apni Biwi se puchha,
Kya main tumhara pehla pyar hoon?
BIWI Boli, "Kar di na sardaro wali baat,
SPINNER ko kabhi opening milti hai
     
Internet par ladki pataayi,
Internet par ho gayi sagaayi,
Internet par divorce ho gaya,
Isi bahaane computer ka course ho gaya
     
hamare muqqadar main raaton ki neend nhi hain to kya hua
hum muqqadar ko bhudhu banake din main hi so jaatein hai
     
Thandi-Thandi hawa chali mausam hua suhana.
wah wah.
BANDAR bhi message pad rahe hai.
kya EDUCATED hua zamana
     
Salman Ne Rajasthan Mai Mara Hiran
wah wah
Salman Ne Rajasthan Mai Mara Hiran
wah wah
Shahrukh Darr Ke Bola
kkkkk.... kiran
     
Girls like: Ladka Samjhdar Hona Chahiye, Pagal Main Khud Kar Dungi!
     
Hindi Movies mein kaam karne ke liye Hindi padhna
aur bolana Anivarya hai, Bollywood mein haahaakaa     
     
    
Santa police wale se:-sir kal tv ke alawa mere ghar ka sara samaan chori ho gaya.
Policewala:-to tv kyon chori nahin hua?
Santa:-ji sir tv to main dekh raha tha na
    
 
Pappu & Chandni ek restaurant pe:
Pappu: Maine last bar puch raha hoon, tum mujhse shadi karogi?
Chandni: Nahi!
Pappu: Soch lo!
Chandni: Keh diya na nahi,
Pappu: Waiter bill alag alag lana
     
Santa:-agar kabhi neend na aaye to kya karna chahiye.
Banta:-are neend ka intzaar karne se to achcha hai ki so hijana chahiye
     
Ek chaudhary jungle mein gaya use ek chudail mili aur voh hu hu haha ! karne lagi aur boli main tumhe khaa jaungi to chaudhary bola fir dekh kya rahi hai chipat jaa
     
"""Sarkari school ke Bachay kisi ko ghaseet kar lay ja rahay tha..
Path mein ek Bujurg ny kaha: Baccho!
Ladkay ko chor do ye khud school chala jaye ga..
Bachay jor se bole:
Babu ji ye shagird nahi, hamara ustad he,
roz school se bhaag jata hai
     
Santa:-babaji mujhe koi aisa kaam batao jisme log apna kaam khud kare aur paise mujhe de.
Babaji:-tum sulabh shauchalay main naukari kar lo
     
Santa maisur palace ghoomne gaya.,Tourist guide use bola,
sir is kursi per mat baithiye, ye tipu sultan ki hai Santa bola,
are yaar tum chinta mat karo,wo aaega to main uth jaaunga
     
Santa:-banta achcha ye batao agar duniya main sabhi moorkh jaldi mar jaae to kya hoga?
Banta:-per tum pahle ye batao ki tumhe marne ki itni jaldi kyon hai
     
Santa :-kya baat hai aaj tumhaare mobile per bade pyaar bhare message aa rahe hain.
Banta:-kuch nahin yaar,aaj main apni biwi ka mobile utha laya hoon
     
Santa:-kya aapne hi kal mere ladke ko doobne se bachaya tha.
Banta:-haan haan , per baar baar aap meri taarif mat kariye.
Santa:-achcha to ye bataiye mere ladke ki topi kahan gayi
     
     
     
Doctor: iss dawaa ko ek hafte mein poora karo aur baad me aake milo.
Patient: theek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa poori kha li thi?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha band rakhein
     
Teri Galiyo ke Chakkar Katate Katate
Kutte mere yaar ho gaye
Tu to Hamara na hua,
Hum Kutto ke Sardar Ho Gaye
     
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon
     
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin
     
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
     
Murad ek larki ko dekh ke bola: Lafz tere geet mere! Gazal koi suna du kya?
Murad se Larki: Haath mere gaal tere! Kaan ke neeche bajaun kya
     
Pappu bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost ne uss se poocha, Kyu, tension mein ho?
Pappu: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 3 lakh rupeey diye thay, ab sale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon
     
Rubel: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Manik: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Rubel: Kya naam hai uska?
Manik: Wo ek Bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha CHAALU KHAATA
     
Santa : Yaar Main Jis Ladki Ko Chahta tha,Usne shaadi kar li hai.
banta: Tumne Usko Bataya Ki tumhara Chacha Karorepati Hai.
santa: Bataya Tha,tabhi to usne mere chacha se shadi kar li hai
     
Pappu 2 Dokandar: Is mirror ki kya guarantee hai?
Dokandar: Aap is ko 100 floor se nechay girao, mirror 99 floor tak nahi toote ga.
Pappu: Wah bahut badhiya, pack kar do
     
     
What is the biggest lie ever told in a Bollywood movie?
Ans: Zeenat Aman in a bikini singing & asking Kya dekhte ho
and Feroz khan answering: Surat tumhari
     
Rajnikant ka mobile balconi se gir gya.
Rajnikant niche pahuncha to mobile nhi mila?
kyun? kyun ki Rajnikant mobile se pehle niche pahunch gya
     
GOLU ne naya Saloon khola.
1 Aadmi Shave karane aaya.
GOLU-Muchhe rakhni hai?
Man-Hai.
GOLU Muchchhe kaat ke- Lo ji rakh lo jaha rakhni hai
     
Unki Gali Se Gujra To Unke Ghar Ka Chaubara Nazar Aaya
Kuch Der Baad,
Uska Baap Bahar Aa K Bola-
Hath Pair Tod Dunga Jo Dobara Nazar Aaya
     
Ek sardar barf ka tukda hath me le kar gaur se dekh raha tha.
Kisi ne puchha kya kar rahe ho?
Sardar bola dekh raha hu ye leak kaha se ho raha hai
     
Girl-Mere Bday pr mujhe bahut costly gift dena
Boy-OK.
On the Bday
boy- ur gift!
Girl- how sweet isme kya hai ?
Boy-PETROL me tale hue PYAAJ ke Pakode
     
Top 5       shop names
1-Gandhi hair care
2-Malika saree centre
3-Salman marriage beauro
4-Dolly bindra fitness centre
5-Rakhi sawant satsang Kendra
     
Ek Sarkari Dafttar k board pe likha hua tha: KRIPAYA SHOR NA KAREIN
Kisi ne uske niche likh diya:
VARNA HUM JAAG JAYENGE".
Govt. Office Zindabaad".
     
Aapko pataa hai ki Popcorn ko garm tave par rakhne par wo uchhalte kyun hai?
Nahi pata
Kabhi khud baith kar dekhna ..
Pata chal jayega
     
Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha, Ayodhya
TT : Ticket hai?
Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha, Jail mein
     
               
Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata
     
Ek ladka school der se jata hai
Principal : Late kyo hue ???
Boy : Bike kharab ho gyi the
Principal : Bus mei nhi aa skte the
Boy : Maine kaha tha sir
par apki beti k nakhre khatam ho tab na
     
Gaur farmaaiye
Unhone Arz Kiya-
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge??
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?
kisine kaha-"Aap shayari to shuru kijiye,
itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge
     
Faqir: Madam Bhuka hu,Khuda k naam pr khana dedo
Mam:Khana abi nai bna
Faqir:Facebuk pe BABA Pappu k naam se hu,ban jye to WALL pe post krdena
     
din Happu Singh bike lekar nikala to raaste mein 1 ladki ja rahi thi.
Happu Singh: kabhi bike chalai hai?
Ladki chup-chaap chalatee rahee.
Happu Singh (phir se): Oye kabhi bikes chalaee hai?
Ladki ne phir koi jawaab nhi diya. Ladki thodi aage gayee to dekha ki Happu ka accident ho gaya hai.
Ladki (Happu se): aur chala le bike.
Happu Singh: kamini, main to isilie poochh raha tha ki agar bikes chalai hai to bata de break kaise lagati hai
     
Wat r d most powerful 3 words other dan I LOVE U?"
.
.
RESULT AA GAYA!!" Ye 3 words bhi haste khelte insan ki ek pal mein duniya badal sakte hain
     
Teacher: jeevan kya hai?
Pappu: facebook aur whatsapp se bacha hua samay
     
Boy: Whats your name?
Girl: Dhara!
Boy: Kaunsi, 144 Ya 145?
Blocked
     
Love Law: Newton in comedy jokey mood-
Love can neither be created,
Nor be destroyed. Only it can b
transfered from 1 girlfrnd to another girlfrnd,
with some loss of money and time
     
Log kehte hai ki 40,000/- ka royal paint lagaye to ghar rangeen dikhta he.
Are pagal 100/-ki ROYAL STAG piyo, sara shehar rangeen dikhega
     
     
     
     
Santa ko chand par bhejne ka faisla hua..
Aadhe raste jakar Santa rocket se kood gaya or chillaya
kamino aaj to amawasya hai, chand to hoga hi nahi
  
   
A boy went to a Baba:" Baba meri GF 12 Ghante se Khamosh hai
Baba with an awesome reply
Mere pass Kyun aaye ho, LIMCA book of Records k paas jaao beta
     
Me- bhaiya samose ache nahi bane aaj, Kal wale ache the.
Shop owner - kya baat kar rahe ho bhaiya, ye Kal wale hi toh hai
     
Shop owner - kya baat kar rahe ho bhaiya, ye Kal wale hi toh hai
Bohat purani kahawat hai 
Jaise hi yaad ajaegi aapko bhi btadunga
     
Maine darwaza khola to uski ankho me ansu, chehre par hansi thi,
Sason me aahen, dil me bebasi thi,
Pagli ne pehle nahi bataya ki
Darwaze me uski ungli fasi thi
     
Santa to doctor: Jab mein sota hu to mere sapne me Live IPL Cricket match aane lagta hai
Doctor: Koi baat nahi ye medicine sone se pehle kha lena
Santa: Kal se khaonga, aaj to final match hai
     
Ek ladka Dusre Se- Yeh Sukh, Shanti or Sukun kya hota hai ?
Dusra ladka- Pata Nahi Bhai, Mein bhi engineering electronics se ki hai
     
Insaan apne aap ko sabse jyada INSECURE kab feel karta hai.. ??
Jab vo kisi aise toilet me baitha ho jisme KUNDI na ho
 
    
Pappu ki master se hui ladai
Master ne ki Pappu ki dhulai
Pappu ka garam hua khoon
Gaya kabristan ar kabar pe master ke photo tang k likh diya COMING SOON
     
          
Santa se banta ne pocha yhe kiski cycle leke ghum rha hai?
Santa- meri gf ki hai usne di hai
Banta- par kyo di?
Santa usne mujhe garden mai 1 ped ke peche bulya or apne
kapde utar diya or boli jo lena ho lelo mjhe uski cycle
pasnd aa gyi mai ne lele
     
"Bihar ki gali mai pan ki dukan,
Devdas ne dekhi Paro Ki muskan,
Devdas ne khilaya paro ko pan,
Kha k pan Paro boli ""Shukriya Bhai Jan"
Devdas ne dekhi Paro Ki muskan,
Devdas ne khilaya paro ko pan,
Kha k pan Paro boli "Shukriya Bhai Jan
     
shaadi se pahle ladke ne ladaki se vaada kiya tha,
main tughe chaand taare doonga
ladki ne shaadi kar li aur unaka ek bachcha ho gaya,
naam rakh diya Tarachand, ise kahate hain praan jaaye par vachan na jaaye.
     
China cricket kyu nhi khelta??
Kyu k Technical problem hai
Sab k face 1 jaise hote hai
jo out ho jaye woh muh dho k phir se a sakta hai
     
Tajmahal ko dekh ke bola sahajahan ka pota,
Tajmahal ko dekh ke bola sahajahan ka pota,
Aaj humara bhi bank balance hota,
agar budha ishq mein paglaya na hota
     
KHUSHI Jab Biwi pregnant ho,
DARR Jab Girlfriend Pregnant ho,
KHAUFF Jab dono Pregnant ho,
HADSA pata chale ki aap dono ke Baap nahi ho
     
Pehli Jab dekha to Laga Wo Meri Hai
Aankhe Uski Jheel Si Gehri Hain
Izhaar Kar-Kar Ke Thak Gaya
Ab Jaake Jana Ke wo to Behri Hai
     
Aaj Tum Pe Puri raat Barsat Hogi
Fir Wahi Kadkti Kali Raat Hogi
yaad na Kar Ke Tune Dil Dukhaya Hai Mera
Ja Tere Badan Mein Khujli Sari Raati Hogi
     
Wo Kehti Hai Rooth Kar Humse
Tumhara To Mel-Jol Mehanga Ho Gaya Hai
Kaun Samjhaye Us Pagli Ko
Ke Petrol Mehenga Ho Gaya Hai
     
Ek shadi me ek ladka 1 ladki ko bahut dhyan se dekh rha tha
Girl : -- impress hokar -- kyo dekh rhe ho itni der se
Boy-- I was thinking agar aap
meri mummy hoti to,
mai bhi kitna sundar hota
      
Teacher- prithvee kaa chakkar lagaane waale nae upagrah ka kyaa naam hai? Pappu- Narendr Modi
     
Girl: We have been together for 5 years. Aage Ka Kya Plan Hai?
Boy: Bas Ab Koi Achhi Si Ladki Dekh Kar Shaadi Kar Lunga
     
Mom: Beti Shaadi Ke Liye Haan Kar Do, Ladka Shareef Lagta Haii
Passport Pe Thailand Ka Eek Bhi Thappa Nahi Hai
     
Machar ne eik aadmi ko din main kaat liya
Aadmi: tum to raat main kaat-te ho din main kyun kaata?
Machar: ghar k halaat kharab hain,
overtime kar raha hoon.
     
Kid: Aunty Mummy Nay cheeni Maangi Hai
Aunty: cheeni Detay Huway,Acha Aur kya kaha Mummy Nay?
Kid: Ager Wo kameeni Na Day, Tou Pinky Aunty say Lay Aana
     
1 Kunwari Ladki Ko Bacha Ho Gaya.
Uss Ke Baap Ne Poocha Ki Yeh Kiss KaBacha
Hai? 
Ladki : Papa Missed Call to sab He Marte The,
Pata nahi Kis ki call recive ho gayi
     
Sonu-Yaar,English Me 'Jhopdi' Ko Kya Kehte He
Monu-Hutt
Sonu-Abe,English Aati Nhi To Saaf Saaf Bol Na, hutt hutt kaya bol rahe ho
Eklavya aaj jinda hota to Dronacharya ko kos raha hota,
bina anguthe ka na to usaka Aadhaar Card banta aur nahin Jio ka sim miltI
     
Pappu ne banti se kaha, "main tere 64 ke 64 daant tod doonga"!
Happy beech mein bola, You Fool"64 nahin 32 daant hote hain"!
Pappu: mujhe pata tha ki too beech mein padega, is lie mainne tere bhi gin lie the
     
Santa samose wale se: oye tumhare samose me se ladki ka baal nikla hai Somosa wala: Are 5 rupye me puri ladki niklagi kaya
     
1 Ladki ne 500 metre ki Race me ladko ko aaram se hara diya.
Saheli - tumne ye kaise kiya?
Ladki - Mein Pichhe se skirt uthake bhagi koi aage aaya hi nahi     
     
New smartphone Age student routine...
T.V. - 3 Ghanta, Facebook- 2 Ghanta, Mobile- 6 Ghanta
Girlfriend - 2 Ghanta, Study – Ghanta
     
Agar bhu nibu kha rahi ho to koi jaruri nahi ki
khushkhbri ho Jmana badal gaya hai ho sakta hai daru utar rahi ho
     
1 auto wale ki shadi ho rahi thi
jab uski dulhan phero ke wakt uske paas
aakar bethi to wo bola thora aur pass aakar betho
abhi 1 aur beth sakti hai
  
   
Girlfriend- Ghar me koi nahi hai aa jao
Boy-Very shocked, abhi abhi to loota hu
tere ghar se
Girl-Sorry, phir se tumhe hi call lag gayi
     
"4 chije ensan ko kabhi khush nahi rakh sakti
Car, Mobile, T.V. aur biwi
kyuki aksar eske       model dusro ke pass hote hain
Jab Khoobsurat ladki sare kapde utar deti he to kya hota he?"
Car, Mobile, T.V. aur biwi
kyuki aksar eske       model dusro ke pass hote hain
     
Jab Khoobsurat ladki sare kapde utar deti he to kya hota he?
Almari khali ho jati hai
     
College me kuchh Madam aissi hoti ki pata hi nahi chalta ki ye ....
college ki faculty hai ya facility!
     
     
1 din Pappu ne aag bujhaane ke lie phoonk maari to uska paad nikal gaya! jab doosri baar phoonk maari to, phir se paad nikal gaya!
pappu gusse mein ghumkar bola, "le tu hi bujha le!"
     
     
Kehte hai pyaar mein bhukh pyaas sb mit jati hai
To koi ye btae ye couple log KFC aur pizza hut mein garba khelne jate hai KIA
     
Usne mehandi laga rakhi thi,
Humne uski doli utha rkhi thi,
Humko pata tha ki wo bewafa niklegi,
Isiliye humne uski behen v pta rkhi thi
     
Laila ke shaddi me lafda ho gaya …
Majnu itna naccha ki langda ho gaya
     
Mere Dost Tum Bhi Likha Karo Shayari
Tumhara Bhi Meri Tarah Naam Ho Jayega
Jab Tum Par Bhi Padenge Ande Aur Tamatar
To Shaam Ki Sabji Ka Intajaam Ho Jayega
     
Ghante Girlfriend Ka Wait Krne Ke Baad,
Ghalib Ne Arz Kiya! Inteha Ho Gayi Intezaar Ki,
Inteha Ho Gayi Intezaar Ki,
Ghar Chalta Hu Aasi ki taisi Aise Pyar ki
     
Santa was going on a bike with his beautiful wife .
Tapori : Sardarji, wife hai ya lover ?
Santa: Saale lover hogi teri, meri to wife hai
     
Teacher: Beta batao britannia tiger biscuit pe jo green dot hai, uska matlab kya hai?
Student: Sir, iska matlab hai ki Tiger online hai
     
Teacher ne bache se kaha ek PYAR WALI SHAYARI sunao, to bache ne kaha
Mota marta moti pe, bhuka marta roti pe,
Master ji ki 2 choria, mai hun marta choti pe
     
Very motivatinal quotes ever written By dear Natkhatlal
Bachpan me Diwali ke din jaab Rocket chorte hue adbhut gayaan mila tha
Aasman chune ke liye bottle bahut jaruri
     
Teacher -Who is very patient person in world?
Santa- Sunny Leone ka Cameraman
Teacher-Super intelligent student jara mere paas ana
phir kaya teacher de thappar pe thappar
          
     
Tinku: 1 Manf0rce Dena.
Dukandaar: Tum To Masterjee K Bete Ho na?
Tinku: Mentos Bola Mentossssssss
     
Yoga Sir:- Dear students!!
Batao Mai Ek Paav Par Kab Aur.
Kyo Khada Rehta Hu ??
Student:- Nahane Ke Baad Chaddi Pahane Ke Time
     
Chamali bhabhi ne chaat ki dukan kholi
Dukan khulte hi consumer ki line lag gayi
KyUki Board par lika tha-
Sirf 20 Rupye me chamali Bhabhi ki chaat lòó
     
50% lovers love-romance kyun nahi kar pate?
1. Girlfriend nahi manti?
2. Seriousness?
3. Dono Raji nahi hote
Ans- room-space hi nahi milta
     
Mummy-beta paper kesa tha
Beta-Patla saa tha, white colour ka tha
     
Ladki- Tumhara Mobile iPhone 7 bahut badhiya hai. kitane ka hai?
Ladka- Race mein jeeta hai.
Ladki- kitane log the Race mein?
Ladka- Mobile shop ka maalik, 3 Police vaale aur main
     
Usne shrmate hue pucha ap khane mein KIA KIA khalete hai..
Meine bhi hns ke keh diya dhoke ke alawa sb kuch
 
    
Wo jwaan hoke thodi phuljhadi KIA Hui...
Pura mohalla hi sala machis ho gya hai
     
baitha ke uski julfon ke saye mein aisa josh aya..
Pir
Pir KIA uske baap ne dekhlia khambhkat seedha ICU mein hosh aya
     
Zindagi ki pehli kiss lene chla tha aee galib...
Phir ..
Phir KIA.....ussi time bajrang dal wale agye
          
     
Santa ke ghar ladki hui .ab use chinta ho gai ki uski beti badi hogi to ladke chedge.
Santa:-per maine iska intzaam kar liya hai.
Banta:-kya?
Santa:-maine apni beti ka naam didi rakh diya hai
Santa :- ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyaan thi. Log use radhe shyam kahte the. Batao kyon?
Banta:-kyon?
Santa:-uska naam radhe shyam tha
Santa:-yaar banta kal mei biwi mere ek dost ke saath bhaag gayi.
Banta:-tujhko to bahot yaad aati hogi uski, phir?
Santa:-haan yaar, bahot achcha dost tha mera
 
    
Boy: I love you baby
Girl: I Have already a boyfriend
He: Olx pe bech de
Purana jayega, tabhi to naya aayega
     
Wife- mere paas proof hai tumhara chakkar parosan ke sath hai
Husband- kaya proof hai batoo??
Wife- Uska husband Kal raat tumhara underwear pahankar aya tha
     
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: ambuja cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai
     
A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains?
Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao
     
Pappu: Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna!
Santa sitting with his dog in the theater, Saali naachegi kaise nahi, kutte ka bhi ticket jo liya hai
Pappu : Aaj maine apne class ki sabse pyari larki ko phasa li
Sohan : Woh kaisey?
Pappu: class lagi thi, Maine kagaz ka jahaz bana ke Pheinka. Jahaz teacher ke pass chala gaya, Us ne gussey se poocha yeh kiss ne pheinka? Maine us larki ka nam le liya or woh phas gaye bichari
     
Uski yaad me hume susu lag gaye, aansu hi the pagli bas raste badal gaye
     
Teacher- tumhe pata h jab me tumhari umar ka tha to mere full marks aaya krte the
Student- peeche se comment krte hue
Student: ate honge, terko koi achha teacher padhat hoga
    
 
raat ka samay tha pappu kabristan se cycle chalata hua aaya
kabristan paar krke kaha baap re kaise road thi itne saare speed breakers
     
tufani andheri raat me 12 baje
kabristan k jungle me
1 bhoot dusre ko samjha raha tha
ghabra mat,sb vahem hai,
koi Rajnikant-vajnikant nai hota"
     
          
Train mein Warning likhi thi.....
Bina Ticket safar krne wale Yaatri Hoshiyaar
TiTu- Waah, toh jisne ticket li woh bewkuf
     
Maa:- kisaka Call tha?
Mai:- 1 dost ka tha maa
maa:- naalayak, Naamuraad ek ladaki nahin pati tujhase abhi tak,
kasam se ye baat chappal se bhi zyaada lagi
     
Ek bachcha har roz Maths teacher ko phone lagata h
Teacher ki wife-Kitni bar kaha wo mar gye h, bar bar phone kyu krte ho?
Bachcha-Sun k achcha lagta hai
     
HELLO meri aavaj aa rahi hai, Hello hello?
kya aavaj nhi aa rhi hai?
Ab, ab bhi nahi
Abe dhaKKan ye SMS hai awaz kaha se aayegi
    
 
Santa: Pados me kya chal raha hai?
Banta: Birthday hai
Santa: Kiska?
Banta: Tuyu ka
Santa ne puchha: Tuyu! ???
Banta: Haan, sunai to kuchh aisa hi de raha ha-Happy Birthday tuyu
     
Son came late…
Mom: beta kaha gaya tha..??
Beta: – Mom movie dekhne gaya tha.
Mom: Beta Kaunsi..?
Beta: MAA KI MAMTA
Mom: Ja beta upar ja nayi film lagi hai.
Beta: Maa , kaunsi..?
Maa: BAAP KA KEHAR
     
Pappu: Dekho Main Chahe Jaisa Bhi Hoon,
Par Baccha Ek Dum Sunder Hona Chahiye,
Wife: Dekho Ji, Choice Is Yours Baccha Yaa
Toh Sunder Hoga Yaa Aap Ka Hoga
     
Gabbar: Yeh hath mujhe de de thakur,
Thakur: Le Le, mere hath le le, Basanti ke bhi le le,
Jai aur Veeru ke bhi le le, Ramu kaka ke bhi le le
Octopus ban ja Kutteee!!
Gabbar: Sorry yaar, tu to Emotional ho gaya
  
   
Santa:-ye chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Banta:-aatmhatya karne ke liye.
Santa:-to isme ubaalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Banta:-are yaar kahin infection na ho jaye
     
Banta:-santa tere ghar se mujhe hamesha hansne ki aawaz aati rahti hai.
Santa:-are yaar, meri biwi jab mujhe joote se marti hai, agar mujhe lag jaata hai to who hansti hai aur agar nahin lagta to main hansta hoon
  
     
single hone ka dukh tab hua, jab Kutte jaise shakal wala dost bola, Thodi der chup ho ja meri girlfriend ka call aa rha hai
  
   
arz kia hai, likhe to text tumhe vo teri yaad me, tumne ek bhi na padhe, tum jao bhaad me
     
agar pyar me paiso ki ahmiyat nhi hoti to, har kahani me ladki ke sapno me koi Rajkumar hi kyu aata hai, kabhi suna hai, mere sapno ka majdoor barat lekr aayega
     
ek sali apne jija ke sath Milne gayi vo bht baten bna rahi thi to jija bola, kya ham aaj raat pati patni ki tarah gujaar sakte hain, sali sharmate hue boli jaisa ap chaho, jija bola to thik hai ab Mu band kr aur sone de
     
kabhi bhi kisi ladki ke piche hath dhokar na pade, agar padna hai to mu dhokar pade, shyad kirpa wahi ruki hui hai
     
agar pathake aur fuljhadi ka naam sunkar tumhe, ladkio ka khayal aata hai to mere bhai, Tum bade hokar jaroor berojgar banoge
 
    
aaj papa ke sath bike pe market ja raha tha, galti se muh se nikal gaya, dekh bhai kya maal ja rahi hai, uske baad maine papa se bola ki papa ghar me koot lena market me izat hai meri, par papa ne Wahi koot dia
     
bhikari ek ladki se: bhagwan ke naam par kuch de do, ladki: kuch nahi hai baba, bhikari: chalo fir mobile number hi dedo
     
GIRL- Mujhe Kyu Dekh Rahe Ho? Tumhari Koi Behen Nahi Hai Kya?
BOY - Hai IsiLiye To Dekh Raha Hu.
GIRL- Kyu?
BOY - Meri Behen Ko BHABHI Chahiye
     
Dad:-Beta btao jaan kaha se NikLti hai?
Son:-Khidki se
Dad:-Wo kaise?
Son:-Kal raat ko Didi ek Ldke ko kah rhi thi
Jaan khidki se Nikal jao
         
sunata hu apne schoop ki premkahani, ek thi topper % ki thi rani...fir...fir kya hamne pata li...aur fail ho gayi maharani.
    
 
girlfriend ko apni palko par bitha lo, dekar har khushi usko, apne saare gam Chura lo, pyar karo uski saheli ke saamne itna ki saheli bhi kahe, jaanu muje bhi pata lo
     
Tum message ki baat karte ho, ham to exam me question seen kar ke Reply nahi karte
     
sir dard hone par kuch der girlfriend se jaroor baat karen, kyuki zeher hi zeher ko marta hai
     
Pappu or papa Hotel me gaye, papa ne kaha waiter 1 ice cream lao aur 1 beer, itne me pappu bola, papa Icecream kyu, aap bhi beer lo sharmane wali koi baat nhi hai, Pappu aj us hotel me waiter hai
     
ek nigro bus me apne bache ke sath ja rha tha, conductor ne kaha itna kala bacha maine ajtk dekha nahi, nigro ne kuch nahi kaha aur seat par mu fula kar bait gya, santa bola, kya hua bhai sahab, nigro bola are yar conductor ne bejti kr di, santa bola, are maar saale ko ja kar, aur ye chimpanji ka bacha muje pakda de, sala katega to nahi na
     
santa ek mobile company me interview ke lia gaya to par usko pahle hi sawal me bhaga dia, sawal tha, sabse bada network kon sa hai, Santa bola, cartoon Network
     
santa ek roti khud kha rha tha and ek roti paas baithi murgi ko khila raha tha, banta ne pucha ye kya hai, to santa bola, abe dikhai nhi deta, chicken ke sath roti kha rha hu
     
santa underwear kharidne dukan gya to dukandar ne usse 300 rs ka underwear dikhaya, santa bola, bhai roj pahan ne wala dikha, party wear nahi chahiye
     
saas bahu se: kitni bar kaha hai kahi bahar jati hai to mathe me bindi laga kar jaya kar, bahu: Jeans me bindi kon lagata hai maji, saas: maine kab kaha jeans me laga, mathe pr laga bevkoof mathe pr
     
     
suno paap dhone hain, konsa sabun acha rahega
     
ek amir aadmi ne kaha mera Bathroom 10 lakh ka hai, dusre ne kaha mera 20 lakh ka hai, samne raju baitha tha usne kaha mai jis khet pe subha lota lekr jata hu vo 7 crore ka hai
  
   
gaon ki gori ke sath ishq me bas ek hi pareshni hai ki, agar romantic ho kar uski gaud pr sar rakh do to vo juen dekhne lagti hai
     
muje lagta hai mai jyda din nahi ji paunga, sala karwachot ka vrat rakhne wali koi mil hi nahi rahi hai
     
(ladki) meri har sans par ladke marte hain (Ladka) to bhen toothpaste kia kar na
     
Jo bee america se ai hai usko kya kahege...Ans- USB
     
agar hath par tambaku chune ko ghisne se bijli utpan hoti to hamara desh current ki chidia ho jata
     
sala Ye Iphone kharidne ke lia amazon walo ko credit card or debit card ke sath Kidney wala option bhi rakhna chahiye
     
na talwar ki dhaar se na goliyon ki bauchaar se, banda darta hau ti sirf baap ki maar se
     
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